Safe Haven

A ship lost on the high seas, looks for a safe haven
a ship lost in the tumultuous storm, looks for a safe haven
a ship lost, looks for her lightening beacon
a lonely traveler looks for a safe haven
What do I look for?
I stand in the middle of a crowd
surrounded by familiar faces
and yet I look for a safe haven
Why?

Failure

'I will never quit'. For a very long time that has been been my belief, that simple phrase is what has kept me going on.. The belief that quitting was never an option has always gotten me through the toughest of times. But today I say, I quit. I quit something that for a very long time I thought I was good at.. The past 2 years have proven to me that despite what I thought that I had talent, despite my belief in myself.. I am nothing, I am useless. People against whom I excelled, now sit in positions that were supposed to be mine. Fate yet again has proven to be the victor.. I can not change my fate, the fate of a failure.. They say it is better sometimes to just quit, well I quit. Perhaps this was never meant to be for me... I will now look for my fortune elsewhere.. But this feeling of failure threatens to overwhelm me.. I hope I have the strength to keep it at bay. There is no silver lining any more, only the dark of the clouds. And I will accept the dark like I have always have.

In the middle of the road I stand
Two opposite paths to go
Here I stand alone
Tortured by the path to take
In the middle of the road I stand
One faces internal bliss
The other holds sacrifice,
Sacrifice for duty
Here I stand alone
For my calling
Of peace, freedom and happiness.

A Walk in The Past

I recently went back to the place where I spent my childhood. I thought I was going back home, I was so excited. Excited that I was revisiting memories, excited that Id feel home again. The day I moved I felt a hollow feeling inside me, I was leaving everything behind. My friends, my memories, everything that was familiar to me, everything that had come to protect me. I always loved adventure, I was always on the look out of discovering new things. Often when my family for a picnic to the beach or to a lake, I would detach from the family and roam around alone. Eager to discover something new, ravishing in the peace of doing anything that I wanted, eager for adventure. But leaving all that behind for an entirely new and different life; that was one adventure I was not ready for one adventure I didn't want to take. But I had to.

It took me a long time to finally accept that I was never going back. That I would have to accept things as they were. And so a new adventure unfolded. My life changed completely, I faced unimaginable things. Events, circumstances, thoughts shaped my new nature. And the old one was smothered, the old adventurous; eager for new things nature became only a small forgotten part of my nature. So the new me took the journey of visiting my childhood home. The new me that missed my old self terribly.

I stepped out of the airport and breathed in deeply, it was like breathing in the first fresh breath of spring. After leaving my luggage at the apartment I was supposed to stay at, I left everything behind and went for a stroll alone.

It was like a walk in the past... So much had changed and yet I recognised every single place. Looking at all the places, the streets, the monuments, the people; all changed so much and yet familiar nonetheless. Time had changed much, but for me I had travelled back in time. Travelled back to what was once my home, back to all the memories, back to all the safety.

I made my way to the sea. When I was a child I used to often come to a place here at the seashore. It was sort of like a hollow carved in the cliffs by the waves, there I used to sit whenever I wanted some time alone with myself. Serene and peaceful the waves slightly touching my feet, the hollow was still there. After 11 years I still remembered that place, and it was still there, waiting for me.

As I sat there watching the gentle waves swaying and lightly caressing my feet, I was more at peace in my mind as I have never been in the past 11 years. I was whole again, the hollowness that I had felt since I had left was filled.

But there was something wrong, I could feel it. Something was just not right. And in my heart I knew. I had come back to fill up one hole of my life but I had failed to realise that in doing so I had left part of my heart back from where I had come from. I could not be complete without it.

I could not be complete without the part of my heart that belonged to those I loved. I was back in the same position that I was in 11 years ago. But this time I was happy.

Lonely Tears

I sat alone on the hill,
A gentle breeze rippling,
The full moon glaring,
The stars shining

I sat alone on the hill,
A tear in my eyes,
A silent wish in my heart,
And the tear silently fell

Why do you fall oh tears?
No one is there to wipe you away,
You are to stay,
Stay in my heart,
Stay till there is nothing left,
Nothing except tears

The Stars

A cool breeze woke him up. It was the middle of the night, the dark stretched ever long. The dying embers of fire glowed red as the gentle wind went through them. All was silent and dark. He was about to close his eyes back, when he saw someone sitting on a nearby log. Sitting silently and so still that you could have easily missed her. She was looking up, up into the sky. He slowly got up and moved to her side. The stars reflected in her eyes twinkled extra bright. Her eyes silvery gray were mesmerizing. “What are you looking for?” he asked. She looked at him questioningly. “Its like your searching something among the stars, your eyes were roving all over them as if you wouldn’t rest until you got answers. What are you looking for? In the stars?” he asked again.
“The stars are bright tonight; I was looking for a reason for their brightness.”
“And did you find it?”
“No. they hold many secrets and they do not part with them so easily, it will take more then one night for them to say something.”
“You say so as if you know them very well..”
“I do. I spend every night probing deeper and deeper into their secrets, trying to find a reason, a reason for everything, a reason for my life. I do not have much to do at night, so I look at the stars every night and challenge them till they slowly fade out to dawn.”
“Night is for rest; do not exhaust your mind when it needs to rest!”
“I cannot rest the same way you do at nights, my sleep was taken away from me a long time ago..”
“What do you mean by that? What happened?”
She looked at him with blazing eyes, measuring whether she should answer his question or not. His eyes were troubled, and she got intrigued that why was he so troubled by this.
“I lost faith in all bonds, there was no such thing as a family. A family who couldn’t protect me from themselves. That was when I woke up, I was very small and I haven’t been able to sleep since. My rest is this, my challenge to the stars. They bring peace to my heart, they mend my wounds and that is why I’m rested every night after I watch them.”
He looked at her amazed.
“Go back to sleep, I will wake you at dawn,” she said, and then she went back to probing into the stars.
He went back to his bedroll, something had happened in her past. Something that had altered her completely, so much that she had lost her sleep indefinitely. He closed his eyes to call back his sleep, but he could not, not when she sat there alone and fought with the stars.

Loneliness..

You stand in midst of a crowd
and yet your heart cries

Your family stands behind you
and yet you walk alone

Your friends surround you
and yet you sit alone

Your love holds your hand
and yet your tears fall

loneliness is your companion
one that never leaves you
one that is true to you
one that will always be with you
when all other has failed...